Fuck I Need Friends

My relationship with the guy I have been dating for 3 years has ended… The only person I hangout with since I dont know  a lot of people in New York… and Now, I am alone… This time I could really need a friend.. Fuck! where are they?.. I hope there is an online friend finder.. like a match.com but for just friends.. Most of my facebook friends are in the Philippines.. I thought that I have lived here in New York for 4 years that I would meet a lot of people that I can be friends with but for my experience so far.. I dont have anyone to talk to in times like this. It makes me question if I really am very picky when it comes to making friends or nobody just wants to be friends with me. Mind you, I went to school when I came but none stuck with me up to now. I think I need a therapist or someone to tell me what’s wrong with me.. I admire those people that they may not be socially capable to meet people but they have tons of friends via web and they still have connections to people. How loser that i turned out to be when I can’t even have friends online how much more friends in the real world. Totally alone and confuse with the situation right now. Am I really weird? socially awkward? I have social skills i think.. I mean I dont seem to be an introvert since I go to parties to people I am not even close with just to hangout with random people..

What do you call to people like me?… Is it just pure bad luck?

So, Nobody came to that party i threw… end up baby sitting my 8 year old nephew instead! Fuck i need friends. LOL

I currently live with my sis and her husband with their 8 year old nephew. Yup, that’s how I live my 24 year old single life by leeching with someones family to help me financially. And for the first time this Friday they’re gonna go out celebrate my brother-in-laws brother birthday and they will not be staying over in our apartment! I will be alone in our 3 bedroom apartment in Queens. I can finally set a party or something so I immediately made an evite on my 300+ friends on facebook (majority are not in US) but still, I invited everybody to come to my place and have a drink… but its been over 24 hours and not a single reply or a confirmation that theyre NOT gonna come at all. 

FUCK! i really do need a friend..

I went out by myself. I forcefully went out even though the weather is crazy cold!!! i dont care i needed to go out of my apartment.. Working at home is not helping my social ability at all plus staying at home all the time makes you depressed.. the only positive note of it is i lost 5 pounds of staying in a small room but not totally healthy physically and mentally…So, saturday afternoon, I am determined to go out. Weather is not gonna stop me.. Even though its cold as long as it doesnt snow that’s fine.. Step 1. I randomly text people on my phone who i never talk at all and just hoping they might be also in the city. I was so surprised that 2 out of 5 people responded that they are in fact in the city. One the french friend who is just walking around by herself and so i met with her we had a drink of coffee. It was a delight but she couldnt stay long and so the other friend who also in the city i replied to her text and fortunately her friends from Ohio are in town and she’s showing them around. I thought this is great i can finally meet and have friends this way.. At least my confidence would boost if I keep practicing to socially interact with people. I met with her and I met 3 guys from Ohio. They were hanging out at Harlem. A long way from Queens but I dont mind. They were cool and we played that game where you place a name on a paper and place it in your head and you have to guess.. It was Fun!!! even though theyre teaching me how to do a “trash talk” and how I suck at “trash talking” and they made fun of me.. I dont mind.. 

All in all, my risk of going out by myself and end up hanging out of people gave me confidence and hoping one of them would stuck with me as my “friends”

NOT BAD FOR MY WEEKEEND!

FUCK! its hard to make friends, especially in NYC. I’m 24 year old woman who moved to New York 4 years ago. I am from a third world country who grew up in a very catholic family went to a catholic school for 12 years (and  yes i still have that uniform) and even way before I was a kid, I never have a group for me to hangout with. I dont think I am a follower, nor I am a leader (of some sort). As far as I could remember I have always been a loner. For 2013 One of my “New year’s Resolution” would be going out more! meeting other people, having more friends. It’s not like I never tried, the first year when i came, it was 2008 I went to school of Arts and I just can’t connect with anybody. I get the impression of “they already have friends and they dont need a new one” or “Guys and Girls can’t be friends” which is so unusual to me. I just wan’t to have friends to hangout with but I can’t relate to women since I am just not interested in talking about boys (all the time), or clothes, or hair and when I hangout with guys, apparently it’s already “flirting” cause whatever I do like i said earlier “Guys and Girls cant be friends”. I struggled for a while until I met someone who is also not American. She’s french and just like me having trouble making friends. Fast forward to now, we still both have no idea to meet other people. We tried going to Halloween Parade and meet strangers I was lady gaga and my french friend went as a Princess Jasmine but we end up geting beat up by 6-8 high-schoolers at mcdonalds at 4 am at chambers st. for they kept calling me “ugly” or “transgendered woman” (DUH! i was LADY GAGA LOL) and my french friend tried to defend me and it end up we all tried to beat each other in the street and good thing the security guard (who was wearing BATMAN) saves the day. We tried going to parties and usually it starts to me as “Oh wow! You’re very good with your english” or “I didn’t know you guys speak english” as for my french friend they always say to her “Oh you’re frech?! Bonjour!” or “I love Paris” As time pass we’ve met and have friends but no one really stick to us or hang out with us constantly. I only have one friend. My french friend. I finish college 2 years ago and started working but she needs to keep studying for her visa sake. So now, I dont have a friend to hangout with anymore since she is busy or we have different schedules. That’s why I am making this blog to make friends although (virtually) or people can give me advice on how to approach someone without being creepy or weird and also my family kept telling me that at this age (24-25) in their life they have the most fun and I should experience crazy wild adventure coz you can only do this while you’re young, not married and doesn’t have a kid yet. 

PS right now, I am enrolling for a gym membership at Lucille Roberts. Wish me luck to meet and have friends… damn I’m pathetic! LOL